We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
