I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
