get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
