it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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