Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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