You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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