That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I showed him my bush... on skype.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
