conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
