I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
mondays should just be called national damage control day
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
