This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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