Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I checked into jail on foursquare
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
