He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
