i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
