apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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