he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
