I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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