also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
