part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
