I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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