I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The beer is more important than you right now.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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