she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
