I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
