Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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