i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
