Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Houston, we have a blender
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
