can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Randomize
