Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
