PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
