So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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