he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
