I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
