PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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