what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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