Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
