just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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