I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
