saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize
