New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It was like giving head to a cactus.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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