Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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