I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
