bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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