And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
