Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
