Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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