How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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