the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
