he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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