Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
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