I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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