Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
