My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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