if you like me you must not know who I am
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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