Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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