I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
