what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
